Moving beyond thinking

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March 24, 2010 by Nicole

So here I am–sitting and thinking about Lourdes, wondering what I should do today to actually “do” something rather than stagnate.  What’s the first step I take toward my goal? Well, I guess that if my husband is the only person who currently knows, then I could start with a public announcement or something:

HEY EVERYONE! I AM GOING TO MAKE A PILGRIMAGE TO LOURDES!

Then again, that doesn’t really make it very public if no one knows, so I guess that I will do what everyone does when they “tell the world;” I will post to Facebook. 

As it stands today, I haven’t really disclosed why I want to do this, so I guess I could share that too.  I have always heard about what a profound impact Lourdes has had on the people who have been there, and the pictures I have seen of it have been absolutely beautiful.  I feel a sense of needing a new direction in my spiritual journey and a need to be healed spiritually and, as my struggles with depression have led me down into “the  valley of the shadow of death,” physically as well.  Lately, that ravine has been vast and black, and I struggle and fight to move on to the next day. 

Lately I have been very aware of Psalm 23; it crosses my mind every night as I drift off to sleep.  I pray for my husband and his desire for more stable employment; for healing and courage for my friends Marcia and Tom; and strength and hope for lots of people I know (or in some cases, don’t know) who are struggling with life.  I am thankful for the blessings that I have, that despite the trials that my husband and I are going through, the Lord has provided us with our daily bread.  And yet, almost every night, my mind goes to “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.” 

I have noticed that there are lots of hints about going on a journey lately.  Psalm 23 mentions it, and lately I recall the narrative of a Quaker woman, Elizabeth Ashbridge, who was captured by Indians and endured a very difficult captivity and journey.  She always wrote that the spirit moved people to be kind to her.  I think lately that she’s right. Why is this? Is this odd? Have I gone off the deep end? Is it wierd to claim that I can phsycially sense the presence of the Holy Spirit sometimes? Or, is this something that happens to holy rollers?

So, my prayer today:

Dear Lord, please give a compass for this journey.  You and Randy and I all know that I have no sense of direction, and lately this holds true for my spirit. Amen.

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