April 9, 2010 by Nicole
After reading about Lourdes (I am near the end of book 1, incidently!), I decided to start by focusing on prayer. Two days ago, I began a novena, and it occured to me that I have prayer ADD.
I notice it a lot, actually; I get to a certain decade in the rosary, and while I try very hard to focus on the current moment, my mind starts to wander (“I hope I remember the decades in the right order…” “Hail Mary…Ooops…I lost my concentration on bead number three.” “Well, I have been at this rosary for 15 minutes, so I should be done pretty soon.”) Now, people say that there is no “right” way to pray, but I am pretty sure that when your mind begins to wander, that’s a bad sign, which leads me to wonder if I am really using my whole heart, mind, and strength to actually get something done.
I think that part of the trouble is that sometimes, it’s like there’s a curtain there, blocking the two way connection. Sometimes, even though I know the answer is yes, I wonder if anyone is actually up there listening to me. I learned that, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, my primary love language is quality time, which (also according to Dr. Gary Chapman) is the way that God expresses His love for me. Maybe the problem is that I am not really spending “quality” time with God. Like I pray just to say I did, or just to get it over with so I can move on to the next item.
This is why I mention the curtain–I don’t really check to see if I have pulled it back, and I have a hard time getting in the right frame of mind to spend time with God.
Dear God, please help me pull back the curtain; it makes a better spiritual door than a window and I can’t see you too well. Amen.