June 1, 2010 by Nicole
How depressing is it when you have to dip into your hard earned trip funds?? Very. I think this constitutes my first irritation along the way.
Losing nearly 3/4 of my income over the summer is a novel experience for me. I can’t just walk into a store and buy something on a whim like I used to–at least not until mid-July when the modest paychecks start rolling in again. The soap business, while doing moderately well, is kind of hit and miss at the moment, and so I had to dip into my Lourdes fund to get some change for my cashbox for last week’s farmer’s market. So, now I have to update my trip total to a sad $227.60. *grrrr*
On a more positive note, I have to write about my husband for a moment. Those of you who know him know that he is a man who clearly walks with God every day. But yesterday, on Memorial Day, I was reminded how wonderful he is, and how great it is to know that I get to be married to him. As the pastor, he has the honor of leading a significant part of Palo’s service at the cemetary. He is a very good public speaker, and yesterday’s events, unlike the past three years, were a lot disorganized/chaotic because a new person was running the show (She didn’t call to confirm that Randy would be doing the service until 8:45 Monday morning–about 3 hours before the ceremony began, and she revealed that she also had no vetran lined up to speak!). He handled it very gracefully, though. Towards the end of the ceremony when the flag was raised to full staff followed by the concluding Word of Prayer, I watched him standing there in his suit, Bible in hand, and felt so proud to be married to such a good man.
Times have been stressful for us lately due to our being underemployed, and this summer has really shown me just how far I’ve come. A year ago, I would probably be sitting here bitter and angry about the unfairness of it all, but God has helped me to make significant progress in this area. I am finding that I am rolling with the punches much better. Yes, I still find myself starting to get anxious as I look at my checkbook balance, the bills that need to be paid, and the prospect of yet another frustrating discovery that despite my husband’s loyalty to his current school district where more than 10 jobs will be opening up, he might get passed over yet again, I think of what Job said. Nothing I have is mine anyway–the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord. So, I look up at the sky and ask for help, knowing that I have to trust that it will be there.
Dear God, I am trying hard not to worry because you said not to (and you know that this is really hard for me!!), and you said to ask/seek/knock, and I will receive/find/meet with an open door, and I did that too. It’s been going on for a good long while, so now what? Amen.