July 20, 2010 by Nicole
Things have calmed down a bit; the anger brought on by the news of our continued predicament has managed to find an outlet, and things are “back to normal” for the time being. One of the first songs I heard on the radio that day was “Faith” by George Michael. Yes, you heard right, and no, I am not kidding. What kind of humor does God have that he reminds me to have faith via George Michael.
Oddly, there are moments in that song that make sense regarding my current feelings. For instance, GM sings “Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body, because not everybody has got a body like you.” I think, yes, it would be reassuring to reach out and touch God–a priest friend of mine always talked about our need for “God with skin on”–to know that he’s right there with me through all of this sucky mess. No one I know has a “body” like God.
The song went on, and I shook my head: “I need some time off from that emotion/ time to pick my heart up off the floor” I think, yes, God, I need some time off from this stress; this news has completely crushed me. So get this; next, God (as George Michael) says “”and when that love comes down without devotion/well it takes a strong man baby/but I’m showing you the door.” Hmm. You have a point there, God. I love you, but not always with the devotion that I know I should. Yup, you’re strong and giving me a kick in the pants–I know that you want me to lean on you in my weakness. Anything else? Oh, yes, says God, “You gotta have faith.”
Now keep also in mind that about a year ago, I read C.S. Lewis’ works, and there is a lot he has to say about suffering and its purpose in life and its meaning for one’s relationship with God. While I am sure that CS Lewis is 100% correct in everything he says about character building, growth, worshipping God with devotion, and so on, it does not change the fact that this is just as hard to deal with as it was a year ago; the pain is no less real or intense. He also says that people try to bend God to their will rather than be obedient to His. God/George Michael kindly reminds me of this: “Baby (Now remember, I am God’s precious little child.) I know you’re asking me to stay
say please please please don’t go away/you say I’m giving you the blues” and to his I say, yes. Why don’t you change this if you have the power to make my life better?
Well, God has something to say about that too: ” maybe you mean every word you say/can’t help but think of yesterday/and another one who tied me down to loverboy rules.” In short, “Nicole, do you really mean it when you ask that My Will be done? Wasn’t it just yesterday that you tried to fit me into your image of what I am and how I am supposed to handle your problems?”
Now, this is a painful lesson in the Truth of a relationship with God; He created us in his image, and yet we try to do the same thing. But when we try to create God in our image, we can only end up angry and disappointed. In my case, asking for the answer to my prayer in a way that I think it’s supposed to be answered, and when it’s not, it puts distance between me and God.
So, I should probably take my cue from the end of this song: “I reconsider
my foolish notion/well I need someone to hold me/but I’ll wait for something more.”
Lesson almost learned. *sigh* I gotta have faith.