God’s beloved little pessimist

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March 29, 2011 by Nicole

Some potential good news on the job front–two churches have expressed interest in interviewing my husband for a position as a pastor.  And, this makes me think–can I really be ready to submit to whatever God asks of me this time?

Best case scenario, we move to a location that is one of the most beautiful areas of the country, near the Adirondack mountains–really appealing if you love to hike in the woods and watch the wildlife.  Then again, we may be moved clear across the country to Kansas, which would require a huge adjustment on my part as far as getting used to the scenery, which is quite different from what I have grown up in Michigan.

Worst case scenario, the answer is “not yet,” which means we go back to waiting and wondering what’s next, as has happened so many times before that merely thinking about it makes me want to cry.

The problem that presents itself is one that is rough for a person like me, prone to pessimism and always looking at the worst possible outcome.  While I find myself getting excited about the possibility of beginning a new chapter in my life, there is still a small part of me that is afraid to hope or trust that this will be the time that works out.  There is a small part of me that aches at the thought of leaving behind a wonderful church, a job that I love, and going to Lake Michigan in the summer anytime I want when the thermometer hits 90 degrees, not to mention having to give up the house that my husband and I have spent nearly ten years and endless home improvement projects to make it our own.

I realize that these are the ways in which I am attached to my worldly possessions, and having just reached the middle of the story of Abraham in the Bible, I can begin to imagine what it was for him to do something as hard and risky as becoming a nomad because God told him to (Not that I will turn into a nomad herding sheep or anything.).  The payoff for Abraham’s faith was huge.

I think I am about to find out whether I can really trust and act on what’s about to happen in my life.  Scary.

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