April 18, 2011 by Nicole
It’s 7:48 PM. A meeting began 48 minutes ago regarding my husband’s job situation. That means there will, if things go according to plan, be a phone call in my near future (i.e. Within three hours or so) that says (A) Yes, we want Randy to come for a further interview or (B) Thanks very much, but we’ve decided to move on.
The whole day has been incredibly nerve wracking; not knowing what’s about to happen is a very difficult thing to deal with as the ultimate moment gets closer to either very wonderful news or utterly devastating news. The things that go through your mind, the prayers that you say, it’s really hard to put into words. At times like this, I am not so sure what words there are for prayers. But I can say that if the answer is once again “no,” I pray that God will strengthen me and reassure me that there is a plan in motion.
I had a long discussion with God on the way home.
I would like to say that there has been one person–J.T. (you know who you are if you are reading this)–who has been a steadfast and amazing person through all of this. He’s offered words of encouragement and genuine, heartfelt concern for both me and Randy throughout the entire process, and cares very much about the outcome of what is about to happen. If you are reading this, JT, I have been praying that the Holy Spirit will be with you, guiding your words and thoughts. You have been a true blessing, and regardless of the outcome, you have been such a comfort through all of this; God is clearly around you all of the time, and you are the kind of person that makes me hopeful that the difficulties we’re experiencing can be made better–that we are brothers and sisters in Christ rather than Catholics and Protestants.
Hey, God: I want you to know that I am an emotional wreck right now and I need you more than ever. I think we both know that deep down, I am really struggling with trust because of the job track record. My will is that this job is a part of your plan. But if your answer is again “No, not yet,” help me to feel your strength. Help me to know that there is a plan in place for us. Let your Will be done, not mine. Amen.