May 4, 2011 by Nicole
It’s interesting to see how life changes so quickly in so short a time. Three weeks ago, there was Easter to look forward to, and we were excited at the prospect of having life move in the right direction for a change. Now, the initial excitement of Easter has come and gone, steady pay checks are about to end for yet another summer as we diligently try to make ends meet until the next school semester starts up, and there is, at least for now, no foreseeable change in our situation as far as the employment situation goes. With the exception of Lourdes, life is currently just standing still.
Sometimes, I don’t know what more frustrating–getting bad news or sitting around waiting to see what’s going to happen next. I start to wonder where the answers are, when they are coming, and how much longer this is going to last. I remind myself everyday that no one ever promised that this life would be easy, tell myself to keep the faith and continue to pray for guidance, that “this too shall pass,” or find the one thing that I can latch on to to get back to “normal.” There are days when I sit down to pray, or as is often the case, lying in bed at night before I go to sleep, looking for words for prayers to God that never come.
My “prayer stamina” is drained; I wonder what God thinks about people like me in moments like this. I know that it’s very easy to praise God when things are good, or lean heavily on Him for support when life feels like it’s collapsing around you. But what about the times when you want to talk to God and you’re at a total loss for what to say because the thing for which you have been faithfully praying over nearly a three year span has gone up in flames nearly eight times? Part of you knows you can’t give up; part of you feels like “what’s the point?” A really big of part you looks ahead to the upcoming summer (which on one hand you’re glad is finally here because you need to recharge your batteries from the stress of grading student work and writing lesson plans for the last two semesters) and wants to bury your head in your hands and sigh in discouragement.
So, I guess I just sit tight for now and wait for the wind to blow. Bring on Pentecost.